More of her beautiful gifts.......

My Angels Gifts

It's been awhile since I posted.......

I have been pretty busy these past few weeks. My youngest daughter just celebtated her 3rd birthday last Saturday the 23rd of May. My father is in poor health once again and I have been taking care of him. Now with me and my family. We have our good days and bad days. Here lately I have been having more bad than good. I think that it is all of the stress that I have been under and all of the worrying I have been doing with my daughters and my dad.

My oldest daughter Makailyn is just starting to get over Strep Throat that she was diagnosed with on my youngests birthday. My youngest has been sick for almost 2 weeks with a cough and congestion in her head and I believe chest also. My father is still trying to get over pneumonia which he has had for over a month now, not to mention having open heart surgery in December of 2008. Now my oldest has to have her tonsils looked at because half of her airway is blocked, so I have a feeling that she will have to have them removed before the summer is over. If it is not one thing it is another these days. When it rains it pours is what my Gran used to say!!!!!

A good note is I went to my oldest Nieces graduation last night and had a nice time with my family. I am so proud of her. She graduated with Honors!!! So that makes me so happy!!! Also on Monday, memorial day, we went to my sisters and had a small cookout with family. I really enjoyed myself so much. I can not wait to do it again. Now if I could just get them to open up and talk about the baby a little more. I dont want them to feel like they cant talk about her around me. I want to talk about her. That helps me so much.

Speaking of the baby......I have had an overwhelming abundace of gifts coming in the mail from so many wonderful people all over the US. I recieved her cute little outfit that we are going to dress her in after she is born in the mail on Saturday. Monday I recieved her handmade pink blanket and then yesterday I recieved her burial gown and bonnet. I am so blessed to have so many people who care for her and I and our family. Thank you so much for the generosity. I thank God everyday for the blessings that I have recieved. I am going to take a few pictures of the items and post them on here for all to see. She is going to be such a beautiful little angel!!

May God Bless you all and keep you safe. Thank you for all of the support and prayers. They are working and helping us through this incredible journey............

My youngest daughter's thoughts......

My youngest age almost 3 never ceases to amaze me! Today I was looking for things online for the baby and happened to be looking at a little stuffed lamb that sings Jesus Loves Me. She ran over looked at me and said Mommy my baby sister needs that. Will you by it for her? She then started asking questions about her name and then told me that when she is born she will die. I said yes, and asked her if she understands that she will not come home and live with us. She looked at me all wide eyed and said yes Mommy she is going to live pointing up with Jesus. I told her she was right. She then added Jesus is going to come take her with him. She then asked me again to buy her that lamb and said please she needs one. I had a hard time fighting back those tears. but could not any longer when she went on playing. and they say she does not understand because she is too young.

Sorry that I have not been updating...........

I went to the Dr. on Monday for my monthly check up. It was not to bad, Its the first one since the diagnosis I was waiting on the tears to start flowing when She began speaking about her. I was fine for the first few mins of talking and then could not hold it in any longer. She apologized and hugged me and said that she was sorry for making me cry. She even has a notice posted in the back office for all of her employees about my situation and to watch what they say to and around me when I am there. She is such a wonderful Dr. I am lucky to have her. I believe that she is the best in my area!!

I also talked to a pastor the other day and that helped me alittle bit. I just have to keep up my faith. I know that I was chosen for a reason and he trusts me to carry his new little angel. Thank you again for reading my story and showing your support for what I am doing and for all of the prayers that I am recieving. They are greatly appreciated so much!!!

Having a pretty good day....

Hi all. I am having a pretty good day today. The sun is shinning and the rain has stopped for now. It is supposed to start back up though. Hubby is finally able to mow the jungle out back. It's just me and my Kenz now. She is eager to go outside and play. She has not been able to go out for over a week and its driving her nuts. Our littlest is quite active already this morning. She tends to prefer the left side of my belly. She keeps jabbing my bladder and it hurts, but I am enjoying every little movement she is making. I found a website called the Caring Bridge and made a website about our journey. Here is the address it anyone would like to view it. https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/babyspiker

Well I am going to have to get off of here and start to clean alittle while I have to mojo to do so. It doesnt come often. Thank you again for all of the prayers and support!!! We love ya's!!!


Mommy's Birthday Girl Makailyn



Mommy's baby girl and nephew Ian

Having a Hard Day today......

Well today makes 1 week since we found out about our precious angel. I did not sleep to well last night, and woke up very nauseated this morning. Every little thing today has me thinking about the future. I know that it is not going to get any better, but I guess I just have to get used to these kind of days. I just want to let everyone know that I appreciate all of the support and prayers that I have been recieving. They are what's keeping me going. I know that this is God's plan and he will take care of me. I am going to get off of her for now, my husband just got home from work and he is hungry and so is my little munchkin. I cant keep her out of the gummies and cookies. I need to fix her something nurishing. Thank you again.

A Heart felt thank you to everyone for their support and prayers

We just want everyone to know that we appreciate all of the support that we are getting. If it werent for the support and prayers I dont know what we would do. I have come to terms with this and that it is God's will. He needs her more than we do, and I think that my mom needs her too. I know that she has faith in me that I can get through this. I feel her beside of me and she will help me get through this. Her Grandma will hold her tight until I get up there with her. I am just thankful to have her for the little time that I do. I will cherish every second of each and every day and every little hiccup and kick. (I tell you what she can sure kick) I want God to determine when I am ready and strong enough to let her go and when he is ready for her. Thank you all once again. I love each and every one of you!! I will keep you posted on the pregnancy. I go on May 11th to talk to Dr Harrison about what we want to do. She said that she will support me with whatever decision I make, because the best decision is the one we make. She is the best Dr and I love her for the support that she has given us. People say bad things about her, but she is really great!!!

2nd and Final diagnosis of Anencephaly

Well I am back home. And it is not good news once again. They confirmed that yes she does have Anencephaly. He asked us what our plans where and we both told him that we are going full term with her. I have thought and thought about what to do and we have came to that conclusion. Alot of people are against this, but this is decision. I want to be able to spend as much time with her as possible and I am the one keeping her alive. I do not believe in abortion at all and that is not an option. I also do not want to be the one responsible for her death, I want her to die naturally when God chooses to take her with him. It is up to him how long I have with her and I am greatful that I have had these past 5 months with her. I can go the next 4 too. I know that it will be hard, but we have that much more time with her and that much time to prepare ourselves for what the outcome is. This is Gods plan and I have to except that. I feel blessed that he has chosen me of all people to nurture and care for this precious angel. We want to thank every single one of you for the prayers and the well wishes. This support is amazing and I am so thankful to have family that cares so much and loves so much. I know that we never get to see each other, but that does not mean that I do not love every single one of you's. Thank you once again. I will keep you updated on the pregnancy. Bless all of you!!!! Here are some lyrics to a song I found.

I Will Carry You These are the lyrics to the song
"I Will Carry You", written by Angie and Todd Smith for their baby girl,
Audrey Caroline.
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you Sing sweet lullabies,
wipe your teary eyes Who could love you like this
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life And I will praise the One
Who's chosen me To carry you
Such a short time Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence Has brought me to His voice
And He says...
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies,
no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One
Who's chosen Me To carry you

www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

She is my precious Angel

I was searching a little bit ago and came across this blog and it gave me hope. If anyone is interested please check it out. I dont know if my finding it within 5 mins of searching, after praying for her to be ok, is a sign from God or what but I would like to think about it that way. I go to morgantown for a high definition ultrasound friday morning and then go see the high risk dr. Please keep the prayers coming. I am in dire need of them. That is the only thing helping me to cope with this. Knowing that all of these people friends and family care about us that much. It means so much. I have been thinking of some names for her and here are a couple that I have came up with. Elizabeth Faith and Isabella Grace. I want something that has a spirital meaning like of God or something like that. These names just stick in my mind.

http://babyfaithhope.blogspot.com/

Here is her ultrasound pic from the other day.... she is perfect to me....

The initial Diagnosis of Anencephaly

Well, I am having a hard time typing this, but they have diagnosed our baby with the worst neural tube defect possible. Oh and its another girl. She has Anencephaly (half of a brain) She will not make it. We now have the hardest decision in the world to make. We have the option to be induced now or wait until September. Dr Harrison is calling the Dr from WVU today and asking his opinion and whether we should go out there. I have another appointment with her on May 11th and we will I guess make the decision then. I am at a lose for what to do. I dont want or believe in abortion, but I already know the outcome with this pregnancy. She will either die before I go into labor or during or shortly after birth. I dont know if I am strong enough to go through either. I feel like Im dying inside with every little kick I feel the pain gets worse. I dont even know how to tell Makailyn. Dr Harrison was holding back the tears and so was everyone else in the office. She and her receptionist held me and comforted me too.

I know and understand that it is a screening and not a diagnostic test, but it still makes me worry. I know that I will love and cherish this baby no matter what. I am just worried about how my husband and his family will handle it if something is wrong. I know that I should not care about how other people are going to take it, but I do. They are the type of people who pick favorites and treat the children differently, Im sad to say. I just dont understand how people can act like that. Thank you again for all of the love a support. I really need it. These past few months to a yr have been rough and then this. I hope it gets better!! Hugs!!!!!!!! Love ya's

Quadscreen Results

Dr Harrison called me this morning and told me that my Alpha Fetal Protein is still really really high, so she is concerned about the baby now. I go tomorrow for an ultrasound to see how it is doing and then she said that we are going to have to be sent out of town to get a high definition ultrasound done. I have just been so sick on my stomach all day today and have had a headach from worrying about this and dad. For those of you who do not know what im talking about; I had a Triple Screen ran when I was 16 weeks pregnant and that came back abnormal so I had to wait until I was 18 weeks to have a retest to make sure they did not do it too early. So I had it done last monday and it was higher. The alpha fetal protein is detected in the mothers blood when the babys liver makes too much. and the baby's that make too much are baby's who are at a high risk to have a neural tube birth defect like Spina Bifida or Anacephaly (half brain). The screen does not diagnose your baby as having it, but that you are at a higher risk of having a baby with it. The chances are 2 in 100 women with a positive or abnormal screenings baby's end up with it. It is nothing to get too upset about, but it is kind of hard not to when you are the one carrying the baby and you can already feel it move and everything seems normal with it. I am having a hard time, because my husbands family are not supportive at all about this if he/she would have a birth defect. There support when I told them after the first abnormal reading was "your terminating it right?" I told them absolutely not!!! I just can not believe them people. His own mother and grandmother!!!! I believe God is going to give me whatever he thinks I can handle. That is what I was always told. He wont give you something he dont think you can handle and if he trusts me to have a baby with a disability then I am happy that he thinks that highly of me. I will try to get on tomorrow and update on the ultrasound. Hopefully I will be able to let you know what we are having!!