I am a wife and mother of 2 beautiful little girls and one precious angel on the way. I have been with my hubby for 11 years and married to him for 7 yrs this August. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with a precious baby girl who was recently diagnosed with Anencephaly. It was hard at first to swallow, but I have come to terms that this is God's will and he believes that I am strong enough to grow and nurture and love his new little angel before he takes her to heaven to be with him. I am blessed to have this little girl inside of me as well as having such a loving and supportive husband and 2 beautiful little girls who are 6 and 3. Their names are Makailyn Elyse (6) and Makenzie Jean (3). If you would like to know anything else about me do not hesitate to ask me.
I would also say thank you for keeping up with my blog. It warms my heart that there are good people in this world who still care about more than just themselves. I know that I do not comment on everyone elses blogs but I do when I have time read each of them. It may be a day or so after they are posted but I do read them and they are an inspiration to me.
Anyway today was a pretty inbetween day for me. I did not get up until 11:30am and that was only cause my hubby who works nights had to go to bed and I needed to get up with the girls so that they did not destroy the house......as if it is not already that way to begin with. He also could not contain himself with the letter that we received this afternoon in the mail for Makenize. My baby girl was accepted into Pre-K. My baby is growing up and off to school. So I now have a 1st grader and a Pre-K kid......what will I do with my free time???? I know that the first few months after school begins are going to be extremely rough and I will not want to do anything but lay in bed, but I will be praying that God will give me the strength to handle what he is giving me. I am still not sure how long my hubby is going to be able to take off from work, but I know that I will need him here with me for a long time. I may sound selfish, but I do not want to be alone. His work has already OKed him 6 weeks for FMLA, but it is not paid for and we can not go without money for that long as that is our only income and we live pay to pay as it is. So I will just have to deal with being alone after he goes back to work. I will just sleep or lay on the couch or in bed by him while he sleeps. The closer it gets to my due date the more scared I get. I do not want this to end yet, I am not ready. I know that I will never ever be ready though. I am not to proud to say that I am Scared to Death to loose my baby girl Nevaeh Grace. I wish that I could keep her in me forever and keep her safe. But I have to let go and let her go be with Jesus. I trust that he will take excellent care of her, but I will be left empty. And I just dont know how I will be able to handle that feeling. I just feel like I am slowly dying right now. Is that normal?? Am I going crazy??? I know that I have to be strong for my other babies and for my hubby, but sometimes it is sooooo very hard. I smile in public like nothing is wrong, but deep down inside I am crying and dying. I am finding it hard to enjoy everyday things and getting aggrevated over stupid things and flying off the deepend over nothing. I hate hurting my baby girls feelings and I do not want them to think or feel in anyway that mommy does not love them. Cause they are the world to me and I would do anything for them that is in my power. If I had the money and the means I would give them everything that they could ever ask for. All I can say is that I am trying my best, but I feel that my best is not good enough.
I did manage to take them out back this afternoon to swim. I got in and cooled off and sat in the steps and walked around a bit, but then I got out and just watched them and took some pics of them. All I wanted to do was come inside and curl up in a ball on the couch and go to sleep. I feel so bad that I could not enjoy them having fun and playing. Am I a bad person for that?? Then when my hubby got up he made hotdogs on the grill and then he wanted to get in the pool. He asked me and I said that I just did not want to. He just wanted to spend some time with me in there, but I just wanted to be left alone. I know that he was hurt by it and I am sorry. I feel like I am neglecting him too. He just took the girls back out for about an hour. I did manage to walk out and sit in a chair and watch for a while and take a few more pics. I just feel like a crappy mommy and a horrible wife.
On another note the PreK letter put Kenz on the move about potty training. After she learned that she was indeed going to school in September she was ready to pee and poo on the potty. Off came the pull up and on went the biggie girl panties. No accidents whats so ever. She peed in the potty and was soooo proud of herself. She even jumped out of the pool a few times to stand in the grass to pee. I had to fight her to get her in a pull up for bed. So we will see what happens tomorrow. I am going to post some pool pics on here and then I am headed to bed. My pill is kicking in and I can barely keep my eyes open. Love and Hugs to Alllllllll, Mia
Anencephaly is a congenital birth defect. While the word anencephaly means « without a brain », it does not accurately describe a child with such a defect. Children with anencephaly do have a brain, but it is not fully developed. A baby with anencephaly is admittedly born with little scalp, cranium vault, or brain, but he or she does usually have part of the cerebral trunk. Your baby's facial features will be complete; however, there will be an opening in the skull. The size varies from child to child. If you look into the opening, you will see some brain tissue. Your baby's head can be covered with a cap if you do not want to see this. There may be other problems with your baby's body (folded ears, cleft palate, open spine), but usually your baby's body will develop normally.
Can a baby with anencephaly live?
During your pregnancy, your baby will receive everything needed through the mother and so grows well, just like any healthy baby. After birth, however, vital functions cannot be sustained for long. Though breathing is often spontaneous, it is not stable enough. Many babies with anencephaly live throughout the pregnancy to birth. Still, some die prematurely while others die during the delivery. This is called stillbirth. Those who survive may live a few seconds, minutes, hours, or even days. Sadly, the condition is not correctable or reversible. Anencepahly is always fatal.
Why does my baby have anencephaly?
First, it is not your fault. From the beginning of your baby's development, before you even knew you were pregnant, the nervous system (brain, spinal cord) did not develop normally. It is thought that this is due to a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Where do you go from here? Your pregnancy can continue normally because your health is no more at risk than it is during a normal pregnancy. In a few cases, the baby is not able to swallow the fluid in the bag of waters so too much amniotic liquid (hydramnion) is produced. Doctors can remove some of this excess fluid. Although some parents choose to end their pregnancies early and thus end their babies' lives as well, babies with anencephaly can be born normally.
More information: Please consider looking at the website
This site contains much information as well as photos of babies with anencephaly, personal stories, and the opportunity to be in touch with other
A carefully considered farewell Anencephaly! To be told that your baby has this birth defect is heartbreaking and shocking. There is no other way to describe this terrible news. Everything you wanted for your babyyour hopes and wishesare gone with the news of this fatal defect. Nothing will ever be the same again. Your pain and grief are very real and very normal. You will not grieve more if your baby lives longer or less if your baby dies very soon. Grief is intense and can't be avoided or lessened. It may, however, be increased. In our experience, we have never heard of any parents who carried their babies as long as they could who regretted that decision, but we have heard of parents who ended the pregnancy early and did regret that decision very much. A carefully planned farewell to your child is the first step you can take to deal with that grief. Take the time to prepare for the birth and death of your baby. Your baby deserves to be welcomed in love and to be given a dignified farewell. Your child is a small human being even if he or she cannot live long.
You can give your baby a name and hold and cradle, Hold your baby in your arms when born even if your baby is stillborn. You can admire and cherish your baby. If you cover the opening on the head with a cap or hat, you can focus fully on your child. Don't forget to take photos and footprints; these will be priceless memories. Unfortunately, burial or cremation costs are not covered expenses in the USA for our babies. But having even a simple memorial ceremony is an opportunity to say a farewell to your baby. The pain felt at the time is very intense, but you will feel that pain no matter what. For closure or relief of grief, it can be important to have this ceremony and some place to feel your sadness. This can be a burial place, a memorial garden, even a small memory box in your home where you put photos or other things that remind you of your baby. This is an official testimony to your child's reality because your baby is a real human being despite the deformity. If your baby is cremated, you may wish to pick a special place to scatter the ashes, a place of comfort and meaning for you.
Will my next baby have a risk of anencephaly?
In most cases anencephaly is an isolated anomaly. It is very unlikely that it should occur again in the same family. Statistically, the rate of recurrence for a woman who has already had a child with anencephaly is 4%. It has been shown that the vitamin folic acid can prevent up to 70% of of potential cases. So, women who have had one baby diagnosed with anencephaly should take 4 mg. of folic acid every day before trying to have another baby. It is important to take this daily because many pregnancies are unplanned.