Well I guess I am going to vent a little bit now. As you all know what my family and I are going through right now plus I have been taking care of my dad since December due to him having a quad bypass plus maze procedure. I am now somehow in charge of making sure my husbands grandmother is taking her meds and eating everyday. As I have wrote before, she has been sick since the middle of June with Pneumonia and now has since been diagnosed with fibrosis, COPD and Emphazema. She has lost about 20 pounds since June and is pretty much refusing to eat much at all. She has a daughter who tries her hardest to take care of her (whom is my mother in law) but she works pretty much full time and can not check on her everyday. She works at our local grocery story and has varying hours. She also has a son who does work full time, but he has set hours and when he gets off in the afternoon and drives pretty much right past our street and never stops because his beer waiting at home is to important than stopping to check on his mother. Then he goes home gets loaded and then starts calling everyone bitching at us and saying that we need to check on Mom and make sure she is ok. Well if he would bother stopping by sometime he would see that I am over there atleast 4-5 times a day checking on her. That is the second thing I do of a morning after getting my oldest ready and off to energy express. His own wife has not once stopped by to check on her own mother in law to see if she needs anything!!!! The only time he stops by is if he needs money to gamble or by cigs or beer!!! It is getting old and if any of them read this I could care less!!!! It needs to be said and I am the only one who will!!!! If they would ever show their faces around her I would tell them how self absorbed they are being!!!! I just wish that for once people would think of me and what I am going through. Do they forget??? Do they not care??? It hurts me so much. I feel like I am being walk over and stomped on and they do not care how I am mentally, physically or emotionally!!! I am only human and I am only one person. I am not a nurse nor am I super woman!!! I mean there are not enough hours in the day for me to take care of my own family let alone everyone else!! I feel like I am obligated to take care of my dad, because I am the only one he has. No one else ever checks on him or makes sure he has groceries or his meds. Plus he is my father and I do owe that to him!!! My life is just getting to be too much right now and I feel like it is caving in around me. I am being pushed to the max and to the limit and do not know how much more I can take!!! I am supposed to be enjoying what little time I have left with Nevaeh, and not feeling depressed every second of everyday!!! Heck I do not have time to clean my house!!! My house is a disaster and at this moment I could care less!!! I am being serious too!!! I should feel ashamed because of it, but I dont!! I just give up!! I dont care anymore!!! Not once has any one of my family or (so-called) friends offered to keep my girls for a while so that I can clean up or relax. Nor has anyone offered to help me around the house!!! It will be the same after I loose Nevaeh too. I will have to suck it up and do it all!!! I just want people to realize that I am only 1 person and I can NOT do everything!!!! I need time to myself. Time to cry, to get a hot shower in peace, to take a nap in peace.....At this point I just feel like giving up on everything!!! I know that after September comes and goes I am going to fall completely apart and not be able to function!!! Because I have no support at all!!! For those of you reading this who really know me, who think that just because you "SAY" that you support me through words does not "SHOW" your support!! And to the "FRIENDS" who say that they will do anything for me and will always be there. Where are you? I need you now.....If you really know me at all you should know that I do not ask for help. I hate asking!! I hate feeling like a bum!!! Offer your support, your time, your shoulder to cry one......Call me or stop in to check on me!!! I am just tired of being ALONE and feeling like I am the only one who is going through this right now!!!
OK enough venting. I have myself a mess right now. Thanks for reading!!
3 weeks ago