Hello all. Wish me luck today. As we take both girls school shopping. Makailyn will be a 1st grader and little Makenzie was excepted into Pre-K. My baby is growing up. It pains me to think that I will be spending time all by myself while they are in school this fall. I was so looking forward to having Nevaeh here with me bonding. As the beginning of school approaches so does her due date. And I am getting so scared. I have actually had people ask me if I am ready.....I mean come on....get real??? Is anyone ever ready or prepared to loose their baby?? My response is I will never be ready and try to hold back the tears. I just feel so lost these days. I am sure all of you angel mommy's know what I mean. But I have to and must stay strong for my family. Especially our girls!! They are getting so excited to meet their baby sister. My oldest Makailyn can not wait to hold her. I have explained to her that she may not be living when she gets to hold her and that if she is afraid that it was ok not to want to. But we are praying that we get some precious time so that she can experience her life as I have these past 32 weeks. Makailyn will even get her baby dolls out and say mommy Baby Nevaeh will look just like her only Nevaeh will have a flat head. She said she will be just as pretty. I think that she understands at her age which is 6. On the other hand I am starting to worry about Makenzie. She will look at me and tell me that her new baby sissy (Mavaeh is how she says it) is going to live with Jesus up in the sky with the angels and I will tell her yes, but then she will see a baby toy or the infant carseat and say mommy my baby sissy is going to have fun playing with this or sitting in this wont she? And I will try to explain to her that she will not be able to do those things. She recently found an old pair of booties that they use for their baby dolls and said mommy we need to get Mavaeh some of these. I said I know she will look beautiful in heaven wearing them, and she looked at me so seriously and said no mommy she will look bootiful wearing them at home too. It just breaks my heart. I am not prepared in how she will react at the hospital. She is wise for a 3 year old, but she is determined that Nevaeh is coming home with us before she goes to heaven. It just breaks my heart to pieces.
Anyway, about our shopping trip. We are going to venture to Cumberland to Gabriels to see what bargins we can find. Makailyn wants Nikes and I am hoping to find her a cheap pair there. We received our clothing vouchers a couple weeks ago, so we have decided to go before things get to hectic around here. So wish me luck. They both seem to be in a pretty good mood, but I swear they both have multiple personalities and their moods can change at the drop of a hat. I have my fingers crosses for a stressless day. Update when I return....Hopefully with all of my hair!! LOL
"Good" Friday - I sit and write this in my bed as I recover from another melanoma surgery. Last week I had a mole removed and the doctor assured me if anything it was aty...
1 week ago